He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
