I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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