so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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