Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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