Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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