Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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