Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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