my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
