I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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