words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
