Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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