apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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