john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I could fuck to npr.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
