tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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