Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
