Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
