i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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