I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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