I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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