Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
