It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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