Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
