Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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