What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
pop tarts are not kleenex
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
