he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
