My underwear smells like fireworks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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