His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
