Umm I'm too high to move.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
