Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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