He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
