whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
