She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
