just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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