I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Randomize
