OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
