O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
