conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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