Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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