capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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