You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
