i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
