I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
