Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
