we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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