Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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