it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
