omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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