Quick, to the slutcave!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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