a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
