its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
