i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
