My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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