we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
