just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
