Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize