I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
