hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
