why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
