The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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