I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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