covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
