it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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