Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
