I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
