Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
