if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
