I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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