I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
