he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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