wakey wakey hands off snakey
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
