Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
