your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
