drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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